exercising my literacy: Pitstop.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Pitstop.

Okay let's write a proper post.

There's been a lot of stuff weighing on my mind of late but I don't know if it's been appropriate to "talk out loud" about them on this medium. I don't want to whinge about my life. More particularly, I worry that blogging about my stuff will make me self-absorbed (oh the irony -- I'm blogging now asking myself, "Is blogging making me self-absorbed?").

Then it made me think about the whole blogging thing. Is it possible to keep a blog free from self-absorbed-ness? From the everyday rants about the things going wrong in your life, to a list of the latest CDs/clothes/whatever that you just bought (And I got it for half price! Yay!), to the 3000 word essays about your take on love, life, religion, politics, ethics, morality, music, movies, your mother... are blogs just a blantant exercise to dwell on oneself? When does it stop becoming "sharing about one's day/struggles/joys" or "expressing an opinion" and become something much more sinister?

Invariably on someone's blog at some point in time, when they've blogged enough, will there be some disclaimer about how you can't know everything about them from reading the blog and how it is merely but a fraction of the person that they are in real life. Which I'm sure is true, I think reading someone's blog is comparible to reading crib notes and thinking you understand the book. Yeah you've probably gotten the gist of it but you've also missed the point. True appreciation of the book comes from reading the book itself -- there is very little pleasure derived from reading crib notes c.f. taking the time to savour the literature yourself. Same with knowing someone from a blog vs. knowing them from talking to them, spending time with them, etc etc.

But that's not why I bring this up. My point is, why does everyone put this disclaimer up? Surely it's reactionary, against something that's happened, someone who's thought that they could know that person just from reading the blog. Someone who's used their blog against them, made a judgement about that person because of their blog.

So into this 3 ring circus enter... the audience. The people who read your blog. You want people to read your blog, but you don't want people to judge you because of your blog. Some people say that they just write whatever and forget about who might read it and its implications. Is that honestly possible? I have to say for myself that it's generally not -- like now when I'm writing, I'm already thinking about what some of you might say in response to this (haha esp you since we talked about this the other day). For every word you publish, you are putting yourself out on a limb, open to how they might perceive you differently because of something that you've expressed.

This fear of other's judgement causes people to write cryptically (usually through lyrics of some sort), or to dwell on the superficial things of their lives. Thus all the crap that doesn't really matter get overstated and appear over-important in their lives (then we judge them and think they're superficial, and so this cycle goes) . But this is why I conclude that blogging is self-absorbed. In the absence of talking about something really meaningful to you, why talk anyway? Isn't that just a case of wanting your voice heard even if you're just talking about crap? Isn't that self-absorb-ness?

I have been contemplating not writing for a while. Yesterday, I don't really know how, but I stumbled across the blog of someone who I know sorta. But anyhow, I remembered how reading a good blog can be so... good. She really challenged me about stuff that I relate to. She showed me that it is possible to have a blog which is of benefit to others; she really encouraged me to keep a good blog.

So I am giving this one last go. I strive to either write stuff that will be of benefit in some way, or I am not going to do it anymore. Because I can really see the temptation in dwelling on myself and that has always been the last thing I want for this blog.

I am on probation as of today.

1 Comments:

At 12:18 AM, me. said...: Hahaha so you actually did it... you know I didn't think that you would...

Blogging doesn't equal self-infatuation. Let me just get something straight here... I'm not calling everyone who blogs out there self-absorbed (though in reading some, I think that a fair few are).

Blogging is a space where you can talk about whatever you want. That saying, that everybody's favourite subject is themselves, I think that's true and an easy trap to fall into. I think it requires conscious effort to not just crap on about yourself on a blog. This is what I don't want, because life doesn't begin and end with me. And if blogging becomes something that fosters so much focus on myself, then maybe it's something that I'm better off without.

Now, let's get to the me and what people think of me thing (haha this is going to be interesting). I'm sitting here trying to figure out if you're right (that I fear that people think I'm self-absorbed). I mean, maybe that's it, but I don't think that's what it really is. My first fear is just that I am too self-absorbed. If I am, then it doesn't really matter to me if people know about it or not; even if I don't blog I'm sure it'll show through in the other ways that I interact with them.

I think the problem I have right now with blogging is the one that I have with writing in a journal too... I keep a journal but sometimes I wonder if I should, because it's just a lot of introspection and I wonder if that's really a healthy thing. And I guess no one reads my journal but I still feel iffy about it, so it's not really about the audience and what they think of me.

Did any of that make sense? Haha even I'm starting to get confused...