The catering girl.
A few weeks ago Mia Freedman wrote a really good article about the latest Destiny's Child song, Cater 2 U. She had the same outrage that I had when I first caught ears of it. She and I share the same "I'm not a feminist but c'mon..." sentiment. In a nutshell, she voiced her disbelief that in this day and age there could exist a song sung by a supposed female-enpowering girl group (what happened to the Independent Woman who was Bootylicious?) that said that she was at beck and call by her man - she'll get his slippers, his dessert and so much more...(I know how old and whingy I sound by having just used the phrase "this day and age")
Since then, I've calmed down somewhat and pondered more about the issue. I'm learning the wisdom of getting some composure before putting anything to pen and paper (okay, type and, um, blog); at least my thoughts would be of more substance and dimension. Otherwise I'm just saying what everyone else would have instinctively said and what is the point of writing if it's just the same old cliched banter?
Anyway.
Having heard the song numerous more times on the radio, it got me thinking. The reason why Destiny's Child can get away with singing these lyrics is that, despite how much our feminist/independent/bootylicious selves want to burn this preposterous propaganda, we all know that there is a certain grain of truth to it. We hate the fact but we've all seen it before; in fact we've probably all been there before too.
I know every feminist catchcry known to (wo)man. But still, when it came to it, I was a little like that song when I was a certain someone's girlfriend. I went over to his place to cook for him. I looked after him when he was sick. I jigged class to spend time with him, drove him to the doctor's when he broke his ankle. Domesticated, nurturing things. I did them because I wanted to make him happy; I catered to him.
Which is fine. I mean, caring for each other is part and parcel of the whole going out thing.
But why I'm writing now is that often us women take that to an extreme. Destiny's Child have taken that to an extreme. Instead of just being caring, the role defines her existence. The catering girl has got 'girlfriend' on her to-do list and nothing else. She lives and breathes for the purpose of satisfying her man. She has no identity or sense of worth outside of being someone's girl - she falls apart if she is without her man.
One of my favourite movies is The Joy Luck Club. My favourite character is Rose. She starts out strong and independent, but then somehow along the way, misconstrues the notion of a 'caring and selfless wife' into being a self-denying doormat who loses her opinions, desires and identity. She thinks that by doing things for her man that he will love her; but it was the fiesty girl that he fell for, not a bumbling servant-girl. Her attempts to keep her man by catering to him actually drive him away, as he can no longer see the girl he fell in love with.
Finally, there's this bit when her mother says (something like) "My mother not know what she worth. Too late for my mother, but not too late for me. Now, let's see if not too late for you".
The beautiful thing about women is that they love to serve, they love to give. But sweethearts, don't ever lose sight of what you are worth. Come rain, hail, shine, boyfriend, no boyfriend. You are worth so much more.
posted by me. @ 4:13 PM
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