exercising my literacy

Getting back on the horse.

Today a patient broke me.

I'd tried to help him every way I could, organise investigations, speak to him calmly, try to reassure. He swore and screamed and threatened me for a good 10 minutes. I walked away, went to the bathroom, locked the door, and cried.

I was so angry. Angry because I'd done so much for him. Angry because he didn't even let me speak, only yelling at me more when I tried to appease. I couldn't help but think, "Why am I putting up with this? When all I've done is try and help him? This is so unfair!"

When I came home, a bible passage came to me.

The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers.

They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. And they began to call out to him, "Hail, king of the Jews!" Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him.

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

(Mark 15:16-20; Luke 23:34)

I wonder if the same thoughts came to Jesus when they were hitting him. "Why am I putting up this? Why should I bother?!"

But Jesus didn't get angry and go back up to heaven. He died for us anyway, because he loved humanity so much. He loved me so much.

And if He can do that for me, how much more can I go back tomorrow and face my patient, swear words and all.

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging... your love carries me.

posted by me. @ 7:44 PM