What I need is a good defense...
I've been a bad, bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And it's a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy just because she can
Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and I want to suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand
But I keep living this day like the next will never come
Oh help me but don't tell me to deny it
I've got to cleanse myself of all these lies 'till I'm good enough for him
I've got a lot to lose and I'm bettin' high so I'm begging you
Before it ends just tell me where to begin
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say the devil wants to know
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
(
Criminal, Fiona Apple 1996)
On singleness.
I guess I never appreciate things when for what they are, in their entirety. I have a tendency to focus on how things stress me out, rather than appreciate each stage of life, in all its pluses and minuses.
The funny thing is that as torturous as I find the particulars of being single, the fretting, the "game"; I just
know, that in years to come I will be reminiscing about these days, these silly innuendoes. As content as my "married" friends are, they tell me with relish how exciting it all was back then. They live vicariously now through the remnants like me, when I share my fumblings and faux pas over a lot of laughing, cringed faces, hugs and coffee.
Sillyness aside I sense the danger in all this. The potential for self-exaltation, or just general selfishness. Whether it is the influence of secularism, or just plain old human nature, the field feels distinctly savage - it's each one for himself. How easy it is to be deceived, to let the flattery get to your head, to let romance cloud your judgment, to say things you don't mean, to hurt someone or yourself....
The difficulty is to be grounded. To know who I am, in Christ, to know my purpose, to serve Christ. To live that out, pleasing Him, trusting Him, loving as He loved, and seeking someone who share the same love, live out the same life.
Once again, Christ is the answer. Not because He is my Dr Phil who solves my relationship woes. Because He is my Lord, my first and foremost relationship, to whom all things revolve around.
Hate the clothing, love the wearer.
"In the very same way, these
dreamers pollute their own bodies, reject authority and slander celestial beings... yet these men
speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals -- these are the very things that destroy them.
These men are
grumblers and
faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires, they
boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.
But you dear friends,
build yourselves up in your most holy faith and
pray in the Holy Spirit.
Keep yourselves in God's love as you
wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others s
how mercy, mixed with fear - hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh."
(Mish-mash of verses in Jude from v8-22)
What are they like?
- Dreamers, idealists
- Critics who speak abusively against what they don't understand (ie. God)
- Grumblers and faultfinders (esp in Christianity)
- Boastful about themselves
What should we be like?
- Build ourselves up in faith
- Pray to the Holy Spirit
- Keep ourselves in God's love
- Wait for Jesus' mercy
- Be merciful - to those who doubt, to others (presumably the ones that do more than doubt) - mercy mixed with fear, and hating their clothing.
What have I learnt?
- Jude is not afraid to call it as it is - he doesn't skirt around the bush to identify what people in the world are like, he isn't afraid of being politically incorrect or offensive.
- Jude does not follow with "have nothing to do with them, spit on them, hate them" etc. His next section warns us how to guard ourselves, because it is all too easy to be influenced by the people around us. He calls for us to cling onto the Trinity (pray to the Spirit, remember God's love and Christ's mercy).
- Directly after he calls us to await Jesus' mercy, he repeatedly calls us to be merciful to these people that he rather unsavourly described. We are not to treat them with disdain, but the same attitude that Christ held out for us. We are to snatch them from the fire and save them. We can still hate their clothing, but we are to have compassion on them.
Don't get tripped up by the world; don't get on a high horse. Cling to God, love His people. And it's the only way our sin-hating and people-loving God would have it.
