Concrete cracks.
I read an article in the SMH Good Weekend a few days ago. Actually I read it quite a few times. It was entitled:"I don't want to die a virgin : Catherine von Ruhland is 40, single and Christian, and regards her life of abstinence as a 'tragic existence' "
I wish I could put a link to it so that you could read it and know what I'm talking about but sadly it's not anywhere on the newspaper's website. In the article she talks about how she feels like she's missing out; about her loneliness, her desire to experience intimacy. She feels resentment towards the church and its attitudes towards pre-marital sex, blaming that for why she is subjected to a life of abstinence. She laments that in patiently waiting for Mr Right in her twenties she missed out on being able to experience sex, and now that it looks like she's not ever going to marry, she wishes that she just went out and did it like everyone else.
This article caught me on a lot of levels. Firstly I have deepest sympathy for her; I hesitate to use the word empathy, for although I understand her melancholy in loneliness, I don't agree with her conclusions consequential to this feeling. One of my greatest fears is to have to spend life alone. Maybe I'll also end up being 40, single and a virgin, I don't know. I was saying the other day how it wasn't easy to walk around the shopping centre and see all these couples -- it must only get worse with age, when these couples begin to marry, have kids, make a family.
But my second thought was that of sorrow. It made me sad that as a result of her being alone, she seems to have become disillusioned, taking it out on her faith. It's as though, by intense focus and wariness of her deficiencies, she has forgotten what's really important.
"I have yet to find anyone with the guts to say that "if you don't find a spouse we expect you to die a virgin". Yet that is the flipside of the "no sex before marriage" mantra. And if it was made clear? Well, those of us who didn't want that would know where we stood and we could all consider our options."
She suggests that if she had known that she could possibly end up where she is now, single, 40 and a virgin, that she would not have chosen Christianity. In essence, she put the value having sex above that of a relationship with God. She'd rather have sex than to have God.
I hope I haven't come across as being judgmental or harsh on this lady, because that really isn't where I'm coming from. I guess from this article, it really got me thinking about the things in our life that can pull us away from God. Rather than looking ahead towards the finishing line in our marathon of life, we sometimes get caught up in focusing on the cracks in the concrete. Which is actually what I used to do when I was small, and explains the many scars I have on my knees. This lady's concrete crack was her loneliness. I don't think her going out to have sex would have solved her problems. She was craving love, and confusing sex with intimacy. Her protest at the church's stance on abstinence before marriage was really a cry of exasperation towards God for not providing her with someone all these years.
And as heartbreakingly real as loneliness, or rejection, or cancer, or anything else in this world may be, in the end it's just a concrete crack. It pales in significance to being loved by God.
"Our light afflictions, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" - 2 Corinthians 4:17 NKJV
I hope that no matter what life throws at me that I will remember that it is "but for a moment". I may be lonely, oppressed or bedridden for 40, 50, 100 years, but it really is just a moment compared to the magnificence of eternity. Just a concrete crack in the path of life.
posted by me. @ 2:05 PM
2 Comments:
Guess you can't really understand unless you're in the same situation. I'm totally with Catherine, and until you really understand how life is for us, your comments will have little value to our situation. Thanks for trying though.
Hey there, didn't notice someone posted a comment until recently... I hope I didn't offend you in any way, it wasn't my intention to judge when, like you say, I have no idea what it's like. But yeah, I'd love to hear from you about your perspectives, I reckon I have lots to learn still about relationships...
Post a Comment
<< Home