On the eve of it all.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Jesus (Matt 6:34)I am so scared of tomorrow I can't even begin to convey my apprehension. Today we had orientation into the labour ward; being taken around and trying desperately to remember where everything is because come tomorrow someone is going to tell me to fetch something and I will have no recollection of what that is supposed to look like, let alone where it's kept. We walked past the staff tea room and as my friend accurately described, the midwives looked like they wanted to eat us for breakfast. We were taken to the room where the mops and buckets were -- being the lowest of the low in the labour ward hierarchy, it is expected of us to mop anything that spills onto the floor. There was nothing in the room but it smelt awful. Ominously awful.
Of the things I fear the most about tomorrow, I think being yelled at by the midwives comes at the top of the list. I've heard all the stories about how scary they can be. Apparently I need to make a really good first impression because it will set the tone for the way they treat me for these next 8 weeks. Hence the apprehension about tomorrow.
Number two would be the sleep deprivation. I've never actually stayed up for that long before. I wonder what I will be like by Wednesday. My friend doing the shift with me and I have already packed "midnight snacks" for tomorrow in anticipation -- cup-a-soup, cup noodles, coffee (lots and lots and lots)... I heard that if they are nice they might let you go after 12 hours... oh man I hope I get a nice midwife. Definitely not the one who scrowled at us in the tea room.
Number three would be the boredom. I'm not very good with sitting around and waiting. This is the ultimate sitting around and waiting. And as the peachy keen trying-to-make-a-good-impression medical student, I can't just lounge around watching TV or reading some old ratty magazine (unlike the dads). Looking like you're doing something when there is nothing to do is one of the most painful things to achieve. I think that's why I quit my job at a certain clothing store way back when.
Number four would be the grossness of it all. I've always admired nurses because they do what I don't think I can do. And now there is no escape for me. You know since I've started medicine I've never actually seen anyone throw up. Doctors are very good at avoiding things like that. Maybe this is why the midwives force us to clean -- it's punishment for running away from it in all the other wards; and now we are in their domain, we are at their mercy (because we need their signatures to pass the term). Damnit.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Tomorrow probably has enough trouble to last me the week. Maybe the month.
I hope the midwives don't hate me. But tomorrow will worry about itself, so no more thinking.
Consider the lilies of the field...
posted by me. @ 6:10 PM
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